Thursday, December 23, 2010

Ancient Horoscope Discovered

An ancient version of the horoscope has been discovered. Experts say it is frighteningly accurate.

Ariested
 (March 21 -
April 19) You will be arrested today or sometime soon, perhaps when your Taurus is caught travelling at a speed of greater the 90mph.

Taurust
 (April 20 -
May 20) Your car will rust and you will experience great difficulty trusting people.
Courtesy Veltzer Doron
by way of Wikimedia Commons

Gemmini 
(May 21 -
June 20) You will buy a very small diamond for your girlfriend.

Canker 
(June 21 -
July 22) You’ll get a mouth ulcer this year. No kissing Virgon.

LeoeL 
(July 23 -
August 22) You’ll vote for mama grizzly, Mrs. Palindrome.

Virgon
 (August 23 -
September 22) You will remain virtuous throughout the year. Avoid Piesces and Gemmini.

Librarian
 (September 23 -
October 22) You love every other books you read. Do not read autobiographies of LeoeLs.

Scorpion 
(October 23 -
November 21) You’re a mean SOB. Mortal enemies of Capricorny.

Saggingtarius 
(November 22 -
December 21) You’ll have back problems from waiting for Ariested.

Capricorny 
(December 22 -
January 19) You’ll wear cropped pants and tell bad jokes.

Aquarium 
(January 20 -
February 18) You’re in the fish tank. Befriend piesces.

Piesces
 (February 19 -
March 20) You’ll receive at least three cuts of each pizza served this year.

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