Thursday, December 23, 2010
Ancient Horoscope Discovered
An ancient version of the horoscope has been discovered. Experts say it is frighteningly accurate.
Ariested (March 21 - April 19) You will be arrested today or sometime soon, perhaps when your Taurus is caught travelling at a speed of greater the 90mph.
Taurust (April 20 - May 20) Your car will rust and you will experience great difficulty trusting people.
Gemmini (May 21 - June 20) You will buy a very small diamond for your girlfriend.
Canker (June 21 - July 22) You’ll get a mouth ulcer this year. No kissing Virgon.
LeoeL (July 23 - August 22) You’ll vote for mama grizzly, Mrs. Palindrome.
Virgon (August 23 - September 22) You will remain virtuous throughout the year. Avoid Piesces and Gemmini.
Librarian (September 23 - October 22) You love every other books you read. Do not read autobiographies of LeoeLs.
Scorpion (October 23 - November 21) You’re a mean SOB. Mortal enemies of Capricorny.
Saggingtarius (November 22 - December 21) You’ll have back problems from waiting for Ariested.
Capricorny (December 22 - January 19) You’ll wear cropped pants and tell bad jokes.
Aquarium (January 20 - February 18) You’re in the fish tank. Befriend piesces.
Piesces (February 19 - March 20) You’ll receive at least three cuts of each pizza served this year.